Rise & Shout
Oh my loved ones, how I wish I had myself a camcorder lodged in my brain. I would that you could see with your own eyes what lovelies I had seen today in the No-Shh Zone, yea even in the hallowed halls of Harold's own libry. (I spelled it that-a-way on purpose. Say it aloud if you think it doesn't flow better.)
Now, the No-Shh zone is no stranger to strangeness. I myself have lain prostrate on the floor during times of extreme duress. I have also launched my momentous torso against the backless spinning chairs and mimicked a Clark Kent to clear away the mess of mental overexertion. Quite a thrill, that. But today my hair stood on end, because of these boys:
(I sincerely apologize that this is the only record I have of this. Truly, Madly, Deeply. If you look closely, you can see that the seated boy is donning a very chic Especially For Youth lanyard. Ever classy.)
During my class break, and as though locked in a morbid theatre of some kind, I was privy to not one, but TWO fervent pieces from "Hello Dolly!" A delightful score, make no mistake. Especially when sung, WITH INTERMITTENT DIALOGUE, by two clean cut young ready-to-rip Pre-Missionaries. Side parts, people. Side parts.
They favored my unwilling ear with "It Takes A Woman" and "Put On Your Sunday Clothes". Lovely songs. Lovely boys, I shouldn't wonder. But, I have never seen nor heard such an invasive and shameless alleviation of tension in this institution. I try to reserve the following phrase for when I truly mean it, since I think people toss it around about their own places of residence with reckless abandon, but I think to say "Only In Provo" actually carries some gravity, here. This just happened, and it doesn't happen ANYWHERE else. Except for 1920's New York. Yonkers, specifically.
In case you are unfamiliar with the LENGTH of these songs here are some links:
Cheers, team.
posted by Dave at
12:16 PM
3 Comments:
Truly, only in Provo do we see such displays of that. Also only in Provo do we see things such as this:
...are married and you're only a freshman or sophomore.
...meet someone, date, get engaged and married within a semester's time.
...assumes everyone's a Mormon.
...cannot parallel park.
...have daddy pay for tuition.
...never leave Utah Valley.
...believe in Mormon folklore, such as "Mormons are only Republican, you can't drink Coke, Utah is Zion, ect..."
...have a "love it or leave it" attitude about BYU, hence you oppose anyone that attend this school that doesn't like the culture here, hence you oppose free thought, hence you stifle free agency, hence you worship Satan.
...emit a "holier than thou" aura.
...emit an "I'm a genius" aura.
...emit an "I'm older than you" aura.
...emit a "bitch"aura.
...have school spirit.
...take your kids to class.
...wear t-shirts from your mission.
...assumes your professor is Mormon.
...wear birthcontrol glasses.
...talk about your mission on your dates.
...break out in song outside of any choral class.
...try looking sohpisticated by wearing wierd glasses or having the Zoolander look, and you're serious about it.
...think you're baddass because you have long sideburns.
...squint your eyes as a sign of spirituality.
...have ever made fun of someone for going to another university or school, other than BYU.
...can't think of anything else to do on dates except for go to the Brick oven and watch a movie.
...take a date to a movie.
...take a date to the Brick oven.
...wear socks with sandals.
...have ever said, "You can't do that on Sunday."
...think that BYU is the Lord's institution.
...speak in a soft spoken voice so that others can think you're so spiritual.
...have met "the one" within a month of knowing someone.
...think you're hot stuff because you're carrying something large, like a musical instrument, drawing boards, an ego, ect.
...post little notes on everyone's door in your apartment complex to announce something that no one cares about.
...think that one really is a menace to society if they are 25 and single.
...talk extra loud so other people can hear your dumb business.
...say, "Oh my heck."
...are waiting for a missionary.
...consider the ages 20 through 60 as being old.
...don't have a job.
...read the Daily Universe.
...support Clean Flicks.
...wear a shirt and tie to school more than twice a week.
...always swing to the right side of issues without even thinking about it.
...won't talk to others if they haven't served a mission.
...won't talk to others because you're married.
...won't talk to others because they're married.
...wonder why someone not LDS would attend BYU.
...hand out fliers and harass people about your club in the Wilkinson Center.
...ask rhetorical questions in class so that everyone can know you did the readings.
...won't admit another athletic team is better, even when you're having a lousy season, you louse.
...stare at the only black person on campus.
...protest to having a Starbucks constucted in your hometown.
...set a goal to be married by a certain date.
...are awkward around others because they have something that you don't have, like good grades, an iPod, self-esteem, a degree, happiness, ect, ect.
...if rated on hot or not, along with your spouse, the sum would still be less than 5.
...don't realize you fit "the mold."
...are aware of the mold, so you purposely do things that are against the grain, such as vandalism and hell raising, but in reality you fit another Zoobie mold.
...don't realize how femme your voice sounds.
...realize your voice sounds femme, but you try to use this to be eccentric.
...has ever gone tunnel singing.
...work at the Gap.
...love the sound of their own voice, especially when it's heard in the library every night at closing time.
...still haven't been kissed yet.
...are pregnant and go to school.
...like Jon Schmidt's music.
...play the piano like John Schmidt.
...don't realize that an excessive amount of public displays of affection really mean that a large portion of your relationship consists of being in love with the realtionship itself and not the person.
...are an instructor or professor that gives out take home tests that are supposedly closed-book.
...flip your collar up.
...don't like it when people bitch about going to BYU and you don't realize they're really bitching about you.
...get offended when you hear bitch, bitch.
...wear braided leather belts.
...practice your instrument outside.
...are offended because someone would have a list like this and start a group like this.
...go to activities and not participate in the activity in which the event was planned, such as going to a dance and not dancing, going to the library and not studying, going to BYU to get married, ect.
...think to yourself, "they're breaking the honor code", when you see certain people.
...are a member of this group but then drop after reading this.
...say "I love you" within a week of dating someone.
...have a really awkward wedding reception, especially near the end.
...think you should be ashamed for belonging to a group like this.
...marry someone from your mission.
...don't believe bigotry goes on at BYU.
...won't believe that BYU and Provo is a bubble.
...sacrifice fast and speedy customer service for being extra friendly so you waste customers' time acting like you care.
...have more than five siblngs.
...CTR except in the car, that's where it's allowable to drive like a moron, and act like an asshole.
...believe vanity is a sin...spend too much time at the gym.
...turn someone into the Honor Code office anonymously without approching them first, coward.
...drive a $30,000+ car and you're freshman.
...use the honor code to chastise other people.
..think sex is gross.
...associate the LDS Church with any particular political party.
...think growing facial hair is a first step towards becoming a sexual predator.
...say a prayer with your date before you go out.
...use your engagement pictures for your facebook picture.
...walk at graduation with your kid(s).
...walk at your spouse's ceremony even though he/she graduated in nursing and you graduated in english, because you're not enough of an individual to walk at your own freaking ceremony.
...wear a soccer jersey all the time and you don't even play soccer.
...don't talk to freshman.
...make out in public areas.
...have ever used a religious reason to break up with someone.
...have ever used a religious reason to date someone.
...are suprised to know someone that is moral, chaste, or modest and not a Mormon.
...are suprised to know someone that is not moral, chaste or modest and Mormon.
...think it's unpatriotic to protest against the government.
...think that leadership is still good if their personals lives are considered "moral".
...have an opportunity to move out of Provo, but you choose to stay.
...post messages in Facebook groups saying you're better than everyone else.
...use a picture of you and a significant other as a profile picture.
...are proud to be a zoobie and try to use that against others.
...ask out a date to dances in an elaborate fashion as if you were still in high school.
...write e-mails or messages to other students in a threatening or insulting manner because of any sort of affiliation.
...don't follow the news or current events.
...join organizations or causes who support an ideal that you object to.
...go to BYU.
sam,
where is that from?
It's a list I made during my three years at byu.
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